The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked. The front of the church fills first."

The young priest nodded and the old one continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony."

Thank you, Father," answered the young priest, "I am pleased you are open to the new ideas of youth."

"Well", said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru Confessional."

"But Father," protested the young priest. "My confessions have nearly doubled since that began!"

"I know son," replied the old man. "But that flashing neon sign, Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell", just can not stay on the church roof!!!!

The Alabama preacher rose with an angry red face.

Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, " Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet. Then, slowly, a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and voice quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klan. I told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.

Imagine the shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something!

When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer .

"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" (pointing to the bowl).

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall, and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease.

And you know. . . I haven't had a cold all winter."
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