It's fun to cook for Harold. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe
said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbours were nice enough to loan
me some extra bowls.
Harold wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said to serve without
dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Harold brought a friend
home for supper.
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the
rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved
the rice any.
Today Harold asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare
ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which
is what led up to Harold asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said to put all ingredients in
bowl and! beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe.
When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Harold did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me
to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Harold keeps counting
Harold's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find
was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in
the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger,
much to my disappointment.
DEAR DIARY: This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for
tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Harold. If we could
just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.
degrees of Blonde
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment,
and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and
hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I
don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror,
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." She hands it to
the second blonde. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You
dummy, it's me!"
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is
really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does
so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
A blonde brags about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says,
"Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK,
what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,
she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch.
"Wow!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion
that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked
as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I
was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this tree popped
up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right
and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked
inside the car, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That
was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had
been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered
at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting
her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions
stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me
a BLIND policeman!"
Man: Haven't I seen
you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you
do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like
your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is
like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to
the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?