Little Old Ladies
Two elderly ladies
are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments,
the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
|An old lady was standing
at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that
it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do
not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing
up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know." said the lady, "I need both hands to
hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said
the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir,
anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat
|Ethel and Mabel, two
elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench.
Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and
Marriage'book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'.
'Mutual orgasm' here and mutual orgasm' there - that's all they talk
Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have
Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said,
"No, I think we had State Farm."
| Three old ladies were
sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated
with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy
for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger
and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she
could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, "I
can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking